Saturday, March 13, 2010

Get Off My Lawn!

This post will actually have nothing to do with lawn care or lawns in any fashion. Too bad grass enthusiasts! This blog is not yours! Anyways, the title is just because that's a generic angry old man yellin' phrase that comes to my head. I needed one of those, because this post is about them damned kids and how they are ruining the world as we know it. And by the world as we know it, I mean video games. And by video games, I mean video games.

I suppose Nintendo is the one to thank for this current trend toward these stupid motion controls. But their console could have fallen flat on it's face, failed miserable and nobody would have blinked an eye. Nerds like me would have laughed, at the fact that they got what they deserved for straying away from the people that made them who they are today in the first place, real gamers. People who actually, you know, play video games. There is nothing wrong with going after the common man, making simple games for kids. That however should not be the main focus of your console.

It's ruining video games as we know it too. I'm sure you could find a billion other posts on this topic, but it's true. With the recent unveiling of Sony's Move, I have gotten sad and needed to write about this topic. The Movie is essentially the Wiimote and Nunchuk attachment. Not even essentially. It is. With the added bonus of a colored ping pong ball on top of the remote. This is all a very disturbing trend, I'm pretty sure the Sixaxis which came with the PS3 on day one was all because of the mind boggling success of the Wii. I hate the Sixaxis, anytime a game (like Marvel Ultimate Alliance) tried to cram it into a game, it got annoying and hardly worked. I'd tilt the controller and get no feedback and get my ass kicked by the boss. Lame shit, right?

Well, who are the people we have to thank for this godawful trend? Family gamers, kids. Grand parents who don't know what's what. I guess this has been a trend for years. It's why awful movie game tie-ins happen, it's why challenging games as we know them have been disappearing. Demon's Souls was so very refreshing, because it provided a challenge. It makes you think and plan. Happy Feet the game, you hit the up button twice and you win.

Hopefully developers, publishers and the makers of the consoles themselves won't fall into the black pit of making only crap ass, movie-tie ins, remakes and the rehasing of the same game from 1986, but in 3D! (I'm looking at you Mario), then we as a the video gaming crowd will be left to wallow in what could have been a great entertainment medium, but just become another toy for kids.

Hopefully games like Demon's Souls, Heavy Rain and even the Gears of Wars, God of Wars and mature blockbuster games show this isn't happening.

The Wii's continued sales and the crap software people continue to buy says otherwise though.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Why I Feel Like a Winner.

So, that title implies this post will be quite the wanking of my ego, and it very well might be, but something very specific brought this on. Standing in the pre-order line for Final Fantasy XIII outside of Denton's Gamestop. Now, I say standing and not waiting, because I was in no way waiting in that line. I wasn't there to purchase the game in any fashion. I was there because a friend promised me a free meal if I went with him to keep him company. It ended up being Carl's Jr. Then standing in this line made me feel like a champ. The night was clearly win-win for me.

As I approached the line, my stomach full of a grilled cheese double bacon burger thing. I'm not sure what the real name is, point is it was delicious and probably bad for me in every single way possible. I probably had the runs but forgot, but I digress. I was walking towards this line of BO and social faux pas (how do you pluralize that? Is it even possible?), medium doctor pepper in hand, feeling awesome about myself, having just consumed such a burger.

As I began to observe the people around me, it was just like an ego boost on the move. I realized that while I may be an incredible nerd (as AIM just now yelled at me in the voice of one Maurice Moss 'Message for me!'), but I still find myself to be rather well adjusted socially. I may seem like a hermit from time to time, but that happens. As I gazed upon the group before me, I felt exponentially better about myself every few minutes as a new one showed up, or one stepped out of the shadows. Even in the shadows they aren't too hard to spot, having never actually seen the sun in real life. Only it's likeness (soon to look even better in DX11).

There was this group of three ahead of me, two of which had disgusting long, greasy looking hair. One of these two was short, and gangly. The other tall and gangly. Neither of which ever having interacted with another human being who hadn't seen every single episode of Star Trek every more than likely and both of whom can probably point out every single problem with Star Wars ever (the original trilogy that is, we all know the prequel trilogy is flawed as hell). The third one was bald, which is lame shit too. It's like he noticed how lame his friends are, but took it way too far to the other end. He was sporting a pretty rad beard though, which was rad up until the point that he started to talk about it. You should never start talking about your beard with a random passerby, it negates any awesomeness and makes it more and more look like you're a hobo who just doesn't own a razor. Good job, bum.

So, take those three people and multiply it by about 30, then you have the general crowd I was dealing with, the non-lame ass person scattered about every once and awhile. Then there was the occasional whif of...something one might get up the nostrils that just somehow managed to offend every single sense even though it was just a smell. I can't even begin to explain how that works.

This is why I felt like a winner. While I might be an ultimo nerd, I still manage to take care of myself, and do have friends all of whom aren't ultimo nerds too. There isn't anything wrong about it, but when you start to neglect hygiene on a regular basis, or you do shower and whatnot, but your room is such a stinking mess, you can't wash the stink off, go ahead and count yourself on the losing side.

So, that was that. I feel like that was kind of a weak ending, so here are some other reasons I'm a winner.

  • I recently turned 21.
  • I now finally own the whole Cage the Elephant album and can say with confidence it is in fact all good, and not just that one song. You know the one, that's in Borderlands and supposedly on the radio.
  • I also own Battlefield Bad Company 2. It's on the Frostbite engine and that just makes me smile.
  • That last post was a joke that was making fun of the far right and some people apparently didn't catch that. This also somehow makes me a winner.
  • Bacon.
  • I own and operate an internet radio station, The Futurebox Machine.
  • I am not addicted to crack.
  • Cheeseburgers.
I'm sure I'll update that list more pretty soon.