Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Case Against Halloween

I constantly promise myself that I'll update this more often, but I just don't get around to it, or I write half of a post then decide I hate it and scrap it. It's not good. I'm back though and that is that, so yeah. I get to go back to threatening people to read my blog at knife-point.

Anyways, where was I? Oh, right the case against Halloween. Well, aside from the obvious fact that it teaches children how to worship satan and that it's cool to dress up as something demonic, there are in fact other, even more sinister reasons to hate Halloween. Yes my friends, even more reasons than that one, and that one should be enough to make us want to lock our doors for forever. This is reason is one that should make us fear the God hating liberal even more than we already do.

The simple fact is it is teaching our children not only about the dreaded and evil socialism, but it is teaching them to love socialism. Let that sink in, then maybe go into shock for awhile. I'll say it again just in case you didn't catch it the first time, Halloween is teaching our God fearing children to love socialism.

What kind of lesson is that for our kids? To teach them to not work for what they get?! I for one am outraged. They walk from house to house, banging on the doors asking for a free hand out. Sounds awfully familiar. Like someone named Josef Stalin to me. Do you want your child to be Josef Stalin? I think not, faithful reader.

So as our children grow up, they begin to expect this Halloween all the time, if they get free candy on one day of the year, why not once a month? Why not once a week? Then why not everyday? We are raising a generation of socialism lovers who want to subsist on milk of the government teat! Also, Christmas should be about our Lord Savior Jesus Christ! What next?! Our children expect some fat man to come to our homes and hand them commercial happiness?!

This my dear dear friends is an outrage. We are being tricked by the liberals and gays to raise an entire generation of socialist loving girly boys who want to have the right to marry each other. I feel sick just thinking about it.

It's great to be back!

PS. Also, back when I first started this post in October or early November, it was totally relevant. Just imagine you're reading it back then.

PPS. It says this was posted in December. Not the case at all, it is clearly March.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Future Is...

...probably never going to arrive, at least not at this current pace.

Oh, well hello there, yes I'm back again. I'm sorry I keep taking these sabbaticals, but things come up. Like school, and work, and writer's block. I mostly haven't had topics. I've had a few vague ideas here and there I'd like to expand upon, but just haven't had the inspiration as of late. I did have the inspiration to write this so enjoy it...or there really are no consequences.

Anyways, where was I? Oh, right, the future. It sure is a fancy thing, the future. With it's promise of flying cars and pill based foods and pure enjoyment lifestyle. Who hasn't watched an episode of The Jetson's and thought about how awesome that would be? A robot maid, a dog who can talk or something, (I don't remember), and all kinds of fancy pants futuretechno junk.

It really is too bad we'll never get there. It seems like such a dandy place, the future. With it's lifestyle of sloth and never having to do a thing for yourself again. Just what we are seeking. Too bad we are collectively too lazy and obsessed with our own enjoyment to get to the future. I'm not bashing it, just saying that's the case. I'm no different.

I mean really, I could probably be doing something a whole lot more productive than sitting here blogging, but this is fun for me. So I'm gonna do it. And I'm also going to force people to read it at gun point. It's what I do. It's what I'll continue to do.

Society as a whole really does appear to be stagnating though, doesn't it? One could ask, 'But how much higher can we really go?' I don't know, but I'm sure we could figure it out. Sure, there are plenty of scientific breakthroughs these days, but how many of them really impact everyday life? Nobody thinks long-term anymore.

Just take a look at plastic surgery, such as breast implants. Sure there are those out there, that had breast cancer, but I'm going to go ahead and make the assumption that most boob jobs aren't done for that reason. Sure, they make your breasts bigger and whatnot now, but what about the longterm effects? They surely can't be good, but nobody stops to think about this, nobody cares. It's about the here and now.

I once read a book, I believe it was titled, "Crunch Time: How Everyday Life is Killing the Future". It was a fantastic read and I would suggest if you get the urge, a book on such a subject, pick it up.

Yeah...there's an update.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Videogame Websites: Performance Review


Oh Gamespy, you used to be my source for gaming news and reviews. The fall from grace has been quite sad actually. You're now like the once well respected friend who shows up to a party, dressed shabbily and already absolutely wasted. Nobody can understand you and everyone just wants to get away. Oh, for what exactly is wrong, one might just take a gander at the main page. With the little "news" bar which contains about...3% news and 98% stupid articles. Notice the math doesn't even work out. It's that bad. Now it's just all joke articles and opinions about this that and other. Honeslty, I don't care what an editor's Top Ten Atari 2600 games are. It doesn't matter.

The joke articles aren't even that funny. Case in point the game design process or the fake CoD:MW2 special edition. Both of which got blank looks, then small shakes of the head from me before I navigated away from the page, lest someone think I was willingly there to be entertained.


Gamespot, you honestly only have to check once a month. That's close to about how often it is updated with actual information. And with every gaming convention, the news bar should not be filled with stories from just that con. There are other things going on in the world of gaming, I assure you. I've found them. I'm not even getting paid to do this sort of work and I'm better at it. Hell, my blog updates more often that Gamespot. That's saying something considering I haven't updated since the end of the Stanley Cup Finals.

I could go into the whole Kane and Lynch fiasco, but I shant. Since every gaming website partakes in those shenanigans of giving games reviews based on ad revenue. This is nothing new, and to those who were shocked by it I say this, "Really? Are you serious?" They probably are not serious. That being said, Gamespot is actually the most reliable of the three that are being discussed today.

Also they own gamefaqs, and that place is pretty useful for the most part.


The huge conglomerate. They even own Gamespy. They also never learned the lesson of less is more. The main page is harder to navigate than...a city with really hard to navigate roads. We'll say it's like a peasant from medieval times trying to navigate modern day New York City. It just won't happen. Sure it's fantastic they do a lot more than games, but it gets tiresome trying to find something. Anything.

Also, the damn page takes over an hour to fully load I'm pretty sure, don't quote me on that though, I've never waited for it to be fully loaded. It is absolutely covered with links, pictures and all manner of tomfoolery that make it look more like the aftermath of a clown car explosion and less like what might have once upon a time been a gaming website.

Oh, and all those afformentioned links, over half of them refused to load most of the time. In fact I've never gotten a link from outside the side, linking directly to a review or some such, to work on the first try. That's sad.

So basically it seems like as the popularity of gaming goes up, the quality of it's websites goes down. What the hell is with that? Thanks society for ruining things. Again.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


No words are necessary.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I Don't Begin to Comprehend...

How the hell do the Detroit Red Wings have the most incredible luck of any team ever? This is a team that I imagine in their off time runs around burning down orphanages, stealing candy from babies and like pushing little kids down. That's just for starters too, like a pre-doin' stuff for the day workout. The rest of the day consists of maiming the innocent and eating people's souls.

Somehow this team is only one win away from yet another Stanley Cup. How does this happen? The only explanation I can come up with is a team wide deal with the devil. Otherwise how would Chris "Where the hell is the puck" Osgood do so well magically come playoff time? He certainly has no clue as he is still looking for that first shot on goal of the playoffs.

Pavel Datsucks...well he still only has like four points. I guess his deal ran out. That doesn't stop every commentator from having a boner for him though. Every series will be his breakout series. And they repeatedly show the play where he flipped the puck over Annaheim's goal. Why? Why do they show that? It wasn't a good play at all. Any eight year old can flip the puck over the goal. But they don't. You know why? Because it's a terrible play that just leads to a turnover. Good job.

I was going to go through more players, but now I've gotten all worked up about the commentating. During the interview process for National NHL broadcasters, is one of the questions, "Do you have an irrational undying love for the Red Wings?" To which the correct response is, "Yes." It sure seems that way. I come away after five minutes of watching with a serious headache, reaching for the bottle of ibuprofen.

Then there is the officiating, oh my God the officiating. There must be two NHL rule books in existence. The NHL Rule Book as it applies to 29 teams. Then the NHL Rule Guidelines as they apply to Detroit. No actual rules really apply to them, only if you really feel like you have to make the call. Either that or the NHL hires refs who don't actually know the rules. Players who aren't the goalie can't cover the puck in the crease, who knew? I mean, it only happened two games in a row and caused an uproar. No big deal though, NHL. Don't issue a statment on that.

What you should issue a statment on is rescinding Malkin's undeserved suspension. Yeah, he totally just instigated that fight, during a huge scrum. That doesn't happen every game.


Game 6 tonight, you should probably go ahead and forget to tune in..

On a different note, three days and already a new upate! Holy craps!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Filler Update!

Oh geeze...it's been awhile. Once again, it's no wonder people stop checking up on this. I seem to forget to update or some such. So, I still don't have much in the way of a topic, but I desperately do need to update, so it does not appear as if I've completely abandoned this place. Au contraire, mes amis. I check up on it every once in awhile, when I think I have an idea only to find it doesn't have a lot of substance or is just lamestown.

Anywho. This has to do with this specific blog. Why the hell would someone think it's cool to come on here and post a comment anonymously, slamming me? What is to be accomplished there? I mean, if it's constructive or if you have a counterpoint, it's one thing, but to just straight up insult me is stupid. Then to not even have the courtesy to sign the comment or own up to it.

For one, I moderate comments here. Blogspot sends me an email letting me know that someone wishes to comment. So I get to preview all of them before they are actually published. Am I going to publish a comment that only amounts to an insult? No.

Again, please sign your comments in some way shape or form. That is at least readily recognizable to me. Not some vague reference to something that happened once, I'm sorry but I sometimes sleep and other events occur. I forget stuff. So far all the comments that are up, I've been able to recognize who it was, so good job on that.

I take that back, with the exception of the person that called me 'Zombie boy.' Those comments still got published, because they were cool, but I have no idea who you are. So if you'd like to claim such comments, have fun. (Although you probably won't read this, so, eh. Whatever works).

I mean, seriously. You imediately have the ability to know who I am, and it's supremely frustrating when I can't figure out who is wanting to comment on a post of mine. Unless you are really someone I don't know. In that case, welcome to my blog! I have no idea how you found it or why you find it interesting since I'm not forcing you to read it at gun point! Enjoy your stay!

Anywho...this all leads to a bigger problem. The great fad of anonymous (mean) commenting on the internet. It happens all over the place. It also really needs to stop. People need to be given some kind of permanent name or tag online, so we can pick these bastards off or something. I try not to let such comments get to me, but it's really frustrating when it finally penetrates your own blog. I'm sure that'll lead to at least one or two attack comments happening at random, or from people I know trying to be funny.

SPOILER ALERT: You aren't funny.

Yeah, updated!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

FML: My Thoughts

So, I'm now going to write about my opinion on this new internet craze, and I'm going to assume you find them valid and possibly correct since you are reading my blog. Which is incredibly awesome and should be linked and/or shown to everyone you know. Friends, family, pets, random people on the street. Maybe go downtown in whatever city you live in and let a hobo read it on your computer if it's a laptop. They don't have the internet or a computer, and I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Here is a simple diagram of how awesome my blog will be to hobos.

My blog > Food, booze and crack. Combined.

FML is irritating. It isn't funny, or cute or enjoyable at all. There are reasons for all these, but don't we have friends for things like this? So we can share our problems with them? That site isn't even like a blog, where people can share thoughts, it's just a place where people can do one of two things. Either complain about about something or make something up in an effort to try and be funny.

Hey, I can do that too. "Today, a bird crapped on my head, I got my leg cut off, then got herps from having sex with a girl I just met. FML." OMG LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Either that or, I can try and get sympathy by elaborating on how none of those things were my fault at all. Lamestown.

You know who can't help you figure out why you're a whore/manwhore and talk you through getting the herps and sypholis from having unprotected sex with three different guys in one night? Random internet people, that's who can't help you. You know who can? Your friends. Or probably if you're that deep, a psychologist.

I understand it was originally meant to be a site for funny little anecdotes. It isn't funny though, it's annoying and a plague upon society. Are we all that introverted and sad that we get our kicks from random person 1000 miles' away bad day or laugh at a weak attempt at humor when someone makes up a fake bad thing happening?

I really hope not.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Drinking Problem

Woo, I'm three days short of going an entire two months without a real update. I won though. I won.

No, not the kind in Airplane. You fool. Although, if that's the first thing you thought about, immediately add twelve points to your overall score. You're moving up in life! I mean alcoholic drinks actually, and why people drink them.

Now, I do understand people want to go to a party and have a good time, that's fine. Every once in awhile, on the weekends, not for me, but cool if you want to. Also, if you're feeling like crap about something, not the best thing to drown your sorrows in, but whatever floats your boat. The people who have a problem are the people who seem to drink every single day, and every time they go out. If they are not drinking, they seem to be uncomfortable.

These people are annoying and if you encounter them, you may find yourself reaching for the nearest blunt object so that you can beat the stupid out of your head as soon as possible. Or lower your intelligence level so it does not give you a headache to listen to these people ramble on and on about, "lyke OMG! last night was amazing, lololol." I need to take a shower now...

These people have no personality as far as I can tell. The only thing I can figure is they either see alcohol as a personality substitute or they are just that immature. Neither is better or worse than the other. But I have to say, listening to someone talk about they got drunk on a Wednesday night makes me confused and angry.

You might be thinking, "but Sam, they can live their lives how they want." Sure they can, it just does not annoy me any less and won't let me stop from ranting on the almighty internet. Where my opinions are both valid and somewhat anonymous.

Yeah! Take that drunken idiots who won't ever read this! Take that!

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Update on the way, I swear my 3/4's of a reader. I just need a damn topic.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Just A Thought

It would be pretty awesome, if when commenting anonymously, you could put a dash, then maybe your name or something. I allow anonymous commenting so that people can comment without having an account, because then nobody would ever comment here. So yeah...that would be pretty great. Also have those TPS reports in by tomorrow...

I mean, is that so hard to do, really? I mean, I let everyone bask in my awesome glory everyday, the least you, the reader, can do is let me know who you are.

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Draft

So when I woke up this morning, I decided to start the day with a large piece of chocolate cake with the NHL Network/ESPN to hopefully see sports that wasn't the 6-1 blowout in Detroit or the BCS game. Surprisingly, I avoided both. Anyways, on EPSN they were talking about who their top ten draft picks are for this next NFL draft. Everything seemed alright, but they left one player off. I was extremely surprised. They left off Jesus Christ.

I mean, sure he went to a small school, a Christian University, but still. You should see the miracles this guy works on the field. It's pretty ridiculous. He makes passes no other quarterback would ever even consider. He didn't throw one interception all year. Also, in the rare times that he couldn't make a throw, he could escape the pressure and turn what seemed to be a sack into a gain of at least two or three yards, if not a first down. The guy is a miracle worker.

I've even heard of fans converting and rooting for him, even though they go to the opposing school. Simply because of how amazing he is and they absolutely adore him. On top of that, he is also a classy guy. He doesn't showboat after scoring a touchdown, he just thanks himself and goes about his day. You have to love that in a player.

Also, alligations of him turning the opposing team's water into wine are complete nonsense. He would never do such a thing, even if he had the ability to. Geeze, lose with some class.

I just hope he can continue to be great in the NFL.