Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I Don't Begin to Comprehend...

How the hell do the Detroit Red Wings have the most incredible luck of any team ever? This is a team that I imagine in their off time runs around burning down orphanages, stealing candy from babies and like pushing little kids down. That's just for starters too, like a pre-doin' stuff for the day workout. The rest of the day consists of maiming the innocent and eating people's souls.

Somehow this team is only one win away from yet another Stanley Cup. How does this happen? The only explanation I can come up with is a team wide deal with the devil. Otherwise how would Chris "Where the hell is the puck" Osgood do so well magically come playoff time? He certainly has no clue as he is still looking for that first shot on goal of the playoffs.

Pavel Datsucks...well he still only has like four points. I guess his deal ran out. That doesn't stop every commentator from having a boner for him though. Every series will be his breakout series. And they repeatedly show the play where he flipped the puck over Annaheim's goal. Why? Why do they show that? It wasn't a good play at all. Any eight year old can flip the puck over the goal. But they don't. You know why? Because it's a terrible play that just leads to a turnover. Good job.

I was going to go through more players, but now I've gotten all worked up about the commentating. During the interview process for National NHL broadcasters, is one of the questions, "Do you have an irrational undying love for the Red Wings?" To which the correct response is, "Yes." It sure seems that way. I come away after five minutes of watching with a serious headache, reaching for the bottle of ibuprofen.

Then there is the officiating, oh my God the officiating. There must be two NHL rule books in existence. The NHL Rule Book as it applies to 29 teams. Then the NHL Rule Guidelines as they apply to Detroit. No actual rules really apply to them, only if you really feel like you have to make the call. Either that or the NHL hires refs who don't actually know the rules. Players who aren't the goalie can't cover the puck in the crease, who knew? I mean, it only happened two games in a row and caused an uproar. No big deal though, NHL. Don't issue a statment on that.

What you should issue a statment on is rescinding Malkin's undeserved suspension. Yeah, he totally just instigated that fight, during a huge scrum. That doesn't happen every game.


Game 6 tonight, you should probably go ahead and forget to tune in..

On a different note, three days and already a new upate! Holy craps!

1 comment:

Sarah said...

never come to Michigan, they will kill you. I get enough crap for having a Stars jersey but I don't hold as much of an opinion against the Red Wings as you do, so just be safe and stay south.