Monday, September 29, 2008

Hockey Games and Little Kids

Well, it looks like we have a part deux to "Hockey Games and Socialites," which is quite depressing. There shouldn't have to be a part two. I go to hockey games for entertainment. Not to get the urge to burn the world down/pummel random people in the crowd. Sure sometimes I imagine myself wailing on Todd Bertuzzi or Shaun Avery, but that is normal.

No no, the other night at the Stars vs. Blues pre-season game, I had the urge to brutally murder a group of 8 year olds. Turns out both my friend and dad had the same idea. Which made me feel less like a serial killer (or at least I'm in a group of serial killers). These had to be the most obnoxious children I've ever dealt with in my entire life. I was pelted with I'm not even sure how much popcorn, my roommate kept getting jabbed in the back of head with a foam finger. The accompanying adult with these kids proceeded not to do a damn thing about it.

The last 4-5 minutes of the game were the absolute worst. Not only were they throwing popcorn all over the place but they were screaming random sports jargon, and some idiot kid kept screeching, in a voice I will hear in my nightmares, "OUT OF BALANCE! OUT OF BALANCE! OUT OF BALANCE!" He kept that up, for no joke, five minutes. I was about ready to punch a hole through my own head so I wouldn't have to hear it anymore.

Why are kids like this allowed to attend sporting events? Why are they even allowed in public? They should be kept in cages then studied and eventually made infertile so they can't pass on their genes. The human race just doesn't need that.

Whats sad is it looked like these kids had rich parents, which means they will end up at like Harvard or Yale or something stupid and eventually become a congressman or even worse President. I can imagine a press conference consisting entirely of "OUT OF BALANCE!"

Its either that or United States will be a desolate wasteland where we have formed into tribes and scavenge for food.

At least the Stars won 4-3, and it means the regular season is that much closer.

1 comment:

Kelsey Schneider said...

Lawl. This is funny. Buuut, also remember that you were one of those "I have nothing to do but bug these guys in front of me." little kids at one time too. Yes, the adult should have stopped them from driving you and TJ to thoughts of mass murder and eventual global domination of all children, but put yourself in their size 2 shoes for a while. Still, this is a funny picture.